Putting passions up for sale

As an artist, I have always had one end goal in mind. I want to sell my art and make my living off of doing so. Most artists or sane people will tell you this is not very possible. Yet that is what my dream was.

As a younger version of myself, I imagined myself living in New York City, in a beautiful apartment, with a job as a freelance artist; making enough money off of shows that my art was in, and making beautiful custom pieces for people. I wanted to live off of my passion, and I had the mindset that this would fulfill me as an artist. I never listened to the people, like my parents, or family members who would say that going to school for a fine art degree was worthless and that I wouldn't earn money that way. I refused to believe that I would become the cliche artist, who gets put down by people around them and ends up doing art on the side of whatever made their real money. I wanted to show everyone, even myself, that I could do this. So I went to school, for art education instead of fine art, but it was close enough. I could still be doing art as my main income and maybe make decent money. After deciding to leave because of COVID, I decided to start my own business, with no knowledge of how to run a business, or market myself the right way in order to gain the following I needed to make a substantial amount of money. I also never considered or looked into the hardships of setting my mind to selling my art. Once I had a decent website, and some prints available on Etsy, I looked for galleries to showcase my art or sell out of. I ended up finding a gallery in Bailey, Colorado to sell my art. This was an amazing opportunity for me to finally sell some art for profit. The gallery was high in foot traffic, and it was more of a gift shop than a gallery, but everything was made by Colorado artists, and they all seemed to be making a decent amount from there. Once my art was in the gallery, I started selling a few pieces every month, which was nice. However, when I had to start thinking of new pieces to make, to put in the gallery, my mind started to freeze. I started to fall into a rut where I didn't feel like making anything, because any ideas I had, weren't good enough to sell, or didn't fit the theme I had created around my art. I no longer want to create pieces from my emotions, because who would want to buy a piece of art from a gift shop, that has my intense raw feelings in it?

In high school, I was creating most of my work in class, or for class. I rarely did anything that was purely out of my need to create something for myself. Each piece that I made had emotion and intention though, driving the ideas and design. I reached a moment in high school where my depression had been at a high, and I could only resort to my art as an outlet, and I created some of my favorite pieces. Even though these pieces can look like just a deer or a tea set with Winnie the Pooh characters on it, they were created from intense emotion. I haven't created pieces like that in a very long time, and it may have been since I was in high school. During those times, I wasn't thinking about selling my art. I wasn't thinking about how it would look in someone's house someday. I was creating these pieces for my happiness, and self-healing.

I've come to realize now, that maybe those people telling me that art won't make me money were right. It is a difficult and gruesome path you have to take as an artist if you truly want to sell your art and make money off of it. You have to put your passion and feelings up for sale. And in that process, you can lose your passion for what you love. I haven't made art in months, and the art that I have started sits and stares at me waiting for me to touch it again. But I am so mentally blocked, the idea of giving these pieces away to other people is draining. I no longer allow myself to make the things I want to make. I have geared my mindset to think about what someone may think while searching for art to hang in their house, or what can I make that will sell easier on Etsy. This turns my art into a stale, commercial ad that I am no longer passionate about. The art that has been up for sale on my Etsy is old, and not interesting to people outside of my family and friends. I haven't made money off of my art in months, and crunching numbers every month gets depressing when this is what I have said I wanted to do since I was younger.

I've decided that I'm growing tired of having no passion for the one thing that has helped me get through dark times in my life. Even though I have held on to this dream for so long, I can accept that dreams change. I am not being defeated by those who told me I would never make it, and instead, I am reviving my dream, by changing just one part of how I live it. Realistically, I will follow my dreams of being a certified veterinary technician. I'll move to New York, and still create art as an artist. I'm not saying that I will never sell the art that I make, but I will no longer be making it for that purpose. I won't be creating for others, instead, I will be creating for myself and my mental health. If there are no pressures on what someone thinks of my art, and if they like it enough to buy it, I am free to make what makes me happy. No more selling my passion.